Sun edited and unedited

Sun unedited

I float miraculously above the universe,
Living a life untold
I bring rich happiness and joy to those whom I give light
I watch them from birth only
To see them die old,
Yet to only come back again the next day
Smaller than before
With happiness come grief
Drought, famine dehydration
I wish I could reach out and help the
But I am stuck here floating

I thought about this poem above very carefully and decided that it didn't make sence in some ways. So I cut and added some lines I hope you notice the difference it makes.

Sun edited

I float miraculously above the universe,
Living a life never to be recongized

I bring rich happiness and joy to those whom I give light
I watch them from birth only
To see them die old,
Yet to only come back again the next day
Smaller than before
With happiness comes the grief I give
Drought, famine and dehydration
I wish I could reach out and help the
But I am stuck here floating, helpless.

Tree Edited and Unedited

Edited
I live in solitary,
No one sees me
I sway in a breeze but shake in a gust
When I shed, my leaves changes colour
My leaves are gone by the cold season
I wait quiet and lonely
When the cold season is over my leaves grow back
The little ones make nests in my branches
By the hot days I sit quietly
In the cold nights I wait
Waiting... for a friend a hope, faith, anything.

As I looked at this poem below, I realised that not only did it have a lot of spelling errors but also it didn't capture the true meaning of being lonely and lost.So I looked at it made some quick changes and got the,to me, the beautiful poem you see above.


Unedited
I live in solitary,
No one sees meI sway in a breeze but shake in a gust
When I shed, my leaves changes colour
My leaves are gone by the cold season
I wait quiet , lonely,and bored
When the cold seaason is over my leaves grow back
The little ones make nests in my branches
By the hot days I sit queietly
In the cold nights I waitWaiting,
for a friend a hope, faith, anything.